“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.” – Charles Dickens
I think that quote really speaks to what my life was like in the bulk of the past year. I’ve never felt so close, yet so far from God and where He wanted me to be.
I think CS Lewis wrote very clearly why it felt bipolar the past year…
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good.” – C.S. Lewis
The more I tried to serve in the ministry, the more I was aware of my weaknesses. Really though… it felt like every time I take a step forward, I take another 2 steps back.
This year, God has also been very truthful to me, El Roi, meaning the God of eyes or God who opens eyes, have really shown me areas of my life of which I have never been aware of before.
First would be the issue of pride, I have thought that it was not a problem for me, I loved kind of blending into the background and just be available for anything that comes up. But the reason behind it was all wrong!
I equate this whole pride thing to the difference of Western and Asian pride. I feel like what we tend to label as pride, is the Western pride, out showing of “oh look at me” kind of attitude, to which is really more like Vanity. The real pride, in my view, is the Asian pride, to which the out showing looks a lot like humility… But for completely wrong reasons. My problem was that… I was humble on the outside, but not for the right reasons!
Outside humility could come from 2 different reasons… first being seeing God as the centre of all, so you do not have to worry about what other people think of you, but rather, living in a Christ-like attitude of being genuinely interested in people’s lives and their wellbeing. The second, “more diabolical pride, comes when you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you.” ~C.S. Lewis. This was the trap that I was in, I thought I was being humble.
but I was not.
So yes, that was my biggest lesson this year, of course, there have been other issues/lessons this year, but I think just this one thought would be sufficient… moving on to other stuff~
I know earlier I said that this year was the best of times and the worst of times… but really, God is faithful and reliable, toward the end of the year, I cannot begin to count the grace that He has shown me…
Passion was awesome, building new relationships is awesome, growing deeper and more meaningful relationships is awesome, coming to terms with how I have been created is awesome, having a taste of what heavenly community is like during Rev is awesome.
Overall, God really have been showing me how awesome He is even though I have stumbled many times this year.
In closing, I would just like to encourage my friends:
For my Christian friends:
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
For my non-Christian friends:
“You wrote that the world doesn’t need a Saviour, but every day I hear people crying for one.” – Superman
Feel free to talk to me if you are confused by whatever I’ve said… or just general discussions!
PS: Favourite/wittiest facebook status over the year:
“My goal in life is to have no goal in life. I think i have achieved that goal. Wait a second…”