Category Archives: Personal Stories

Child of God

I know I haven’t been here a while, life is happening and this was just not a priority… but it is 4:20 am right now… and today, this morning, this suddenly became a priority: I had to post something.

I had another layered dream/vision, maybe its from all the food I ate at the wedding? Anyways, here goes:

The layered dream/vision:
There was 5 colours, each corresponded to a worship song, each was a presentation of God and the gospel. Somehow I was uncomfortable going through the worship, and i was made aware that it was actually 5 ways of misrepresentation of God
Then I woke up from this layer & details are already starting to get fuzzy. I prayed in this layer for clarity and just something to remember… and something that actually represents true worship. Then I ‘fell asleep’ again and returned to the vision.
True worship was represented by a great & glorious light of a golden hue, and the worship I heard was “I am a child of God, yes, I am a child of God” on repeat.     I woke up from this layer, trying to recall the details of the first 5 & was trying to describe all this to a peer, the details are fading but “I am a child of God” is taking over

This is when I woke up into the real world & and to write this down (and i guess posting it by retyping it as well…). I still do not have the details of the first 5 colours/worship song, but generally it was something along the lines of how something as awesome and supposedly God honouring as worship is not necessarily actually worship nor God honouring & can be misconstrued by Satanic forces or our human flesh.
The true, God-centered worship focuses on who God is, and who we are to God in what He has done:

“Yes, I am a child of God”

What I think of this dream/vision currently:

  1. God answered a prayer immediately, even as I was not fully awake for the prayer (seriously, what just happened???)
  2. I needed to hear that I am a child of God. Right now. Currently going through struggles that I am not sure if I am ever going to win & is it even worth the fight, or should I just give up and revert back to the old way…

    “I am a child of God”

  3. It is by mercy that I do not remember the first 5, so that I do not misconstrue these songs when I/my church are worshipping with it.
  4. ways to misrepresent God in worship may include: (I am backfilling as I no longer have the details)
    – lyrics that does not represent God’s heart nor the scripture
    – artist or worship leader who became more about the artistic talent as opposed to glorifying God
    – singing praises/giving worship that we do not mean as a church (our hearts are not ready)

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New Year’s Resolution

I think it can actually be summarized into just one short sentence:

Don’t Be Stupid.

The thing is, i always know what is right, what is nobel, what is good, yet i refrain from doing so because its too much work, too much sacrifice, too much…. death to the flesh.
But ultimately, I know what really matters in life… so John, Don’t be stupid, do what you must.


A while back I was saying that God really threw a curveball, now I would like to talk about it a bit more without going into detail of what it actually was, but you guys are smart, you can probably figure it out. 😛

It was something that I had really thought was God’s plan and God’s timing that occurred, but it turned out to be not so. As I was working through the emotions and the spiritual implications, one verse that really moved me was Job 6:10, it reads:

Then I would still have this consolation – my joy in unrelenting pain – that I had not denied the words of the Holy One.

It was a weird versed to be comforted by, IMO, but it worked. The thing is… it wasn’t even a pain that was unrelenting because I realize that in the grand scheme of things, it is but a minor setback and I truly believed that my God who had been faithful thus far will continue to be faithful.

That being said, being caught in the middle was still not a pleasant experience, and I wondered why it was allowed to happen. I was completely ok with not having it, what annoyed me was that it occurred for a short month then ended.

I think I now know why, in the words of Chuck Swindle as he shared why God allowed some things in his life to happen: “To show how much further I have left to go.” To show that I had made an idol out of it; to show that I had desired it more than I desired God, even when I thought it was something that I was able to glorify God on; to interrupt a life that was on autopilot; to show that He is worth so much more than an autonomous life.

But that’s not all, God did not give me all these spiritual implications without dealing with my emotions first. I was first comforted by the phrase, ‘this is not the end of the story.’ Not only through my own time with Him, but the same idea kept coming up as I was sharing with my close peers: that it was not the end of the story.

How this story is going to play out, I do not know. But one thing I do know is that the God who had been faithful will remain faithful, there is no shadow of turning within the God of infinite love and infinite holiness.

Realizing that God’s best is always worth waiting for. This story is worth waiting for.



Life was good over the last while.
I had so much to be thankful for leading up to Thanksgiving: work/raise/passing lisencing exam(never have to study ever again)!/girlfriend.
Life was good, REAL good.

Then God decides to throw a curve ball…Then I find myself unable to give Him praise and worship.

I know all the biblical truth and promises and all that jazz, but man, i would have chosen to not have all these other blessings for not having this curveball in my life.

“I know that you can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left.”

Maybe a full story when i’m more ready? We’ll see…

最危險的信號 The Most Dangerous Sign/Signal/Call

This is a journal of the Jan 8 2013 dream:

I was an observer from back stage of a struggling band of 5. It was about time to begin a concert, yet the lead singer is still trying to be somebody else (dressing up as, trying to use their music, etc), hoping that the audience would like him better than who he is. One the of the guitarist pulled him over to the stage and just told him, “Just be who you are, they are here to see you.”

The spot light came on, and concert began and it was a full house. The lead said, “Little did you guys know, I am doing this on the spot (即興).” And began one of the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.

The song was in a mix of Chinese and English and is called 最危險的信號 (The most dangerous call/sign/signal). Message was that Love is the most dangerous call, and when you receive that call, you will do anything to seek after it. Most of the imagery has a lot do to with forests, and even referred to parts of Snow White (!?).

Too bad I woke up and most of the song is now lost.

But part of it was:

You are searching for me / I will search for you
Like a stubborn wild horse (倔韁的野馬), crashing through the forest

and in another stanza:

Like a dragon burning through the forest.

Chorus was only 2 lines long but it was beautiful:

愛… 是最危險的信號
你… 是最危險的信號
(Love is the most dangerous Call, You are the most dangerous Call)

When the song is nearing the end, I was part of the crowd, and we are all singing along to the chorus, now instead of being in an auditorium kind of place, we are in a church-like setting, I was sitting on the first row in the balcony on the left side overlooking the stage and the main seating area. As the song draws to a close, one of the band members said “I know you are watching from above.” Then I woke up.
And I was just thinking to myself that I must find the song on youtube so I can listen more! :/

I think the message was this:
1.    Be yourself, for that’s what you have been called to be.
2.    Love is a dangerous call, it calls you into the wilderness (forest) and gives you strength as you crash/burn through it.
3.    That is how Love sought me, and that is how we should search and yearn after Love.

This is not the first time I had a song in a dream…

NTS: Ask God about this song (and the other one) when I go home!

A binder clip

God spoke through a binder clip…

At Urbana, one of the thing they did was printed all the bible verses that we are to use for morning devo and exposition on a piece of paper to create a ‘manuscript’.

One morning as we are doing the morning devo, I closed the binder clip over the manuscript and my notebook. The clip laneded on the word committed, with the word yes above it, and the word no under it. The sentence leading up was “all things have been committed”.

Committed. Yes? Or No?All things have been committed. Yes? Or No?

Committed. Yes? Or No?
All things have been committed. Yes? Or No?

It was a mind blown moment:

Committed. Yes? Or no?
All have been committed. Yes? Or no?

When it was God speaking, you’d just KNOW! And it was consistent with what I’ve been learning lately as well.
Refer back to my previous post worth.

I’m also reminded of the idea Tim Keller presented in “Counterfeit God”, again, a paraphrase:

A mature Christian is not one who has drilled to the depth of his soul and met Jesus there, no one can ever do that; but rather, a mature Christian is one who realizes this and keeps drilling to get closer until the day of His return or called home.

At every phase of the journey to believe and live like you are fully committed, just to realize, when you get to the next phase, that there’s always more, you can alway drill deeper.

Other thing I saw was really how great and creative God is. In words of a good friend, said in an affectionate way:

God is a troll, but the good kind.

He really loves to play with His children, in different ways to make proclaim that He is real and present, and to proclaim His love and creativity.

But seriously, God? A binder clip?